I'm looking for a man in Trader Joe's
and a 20 Minute Creamy Pesto Pasta Salad...oh look...
Bonjour. I recently saw a funny TikTok about the plot holes of Beauty and the Beast - everyone has a French accent but no one actually speaks French? They despise Belle for….reading? (that actually checks out bc of the whole witch trials) And at the end, it would make sense for her to be like “and it was all just a dream!” But no, the candlestick was actually spitting game?
Anyway, welcome to our new subscribers. A lot of you came for the Charred Lemon Pasta Salad and we respect that. Today, we have another pasta salad recipe for you because we’re back into full-gluten pasta and can’t believe we went so long eating limp Banza?! Today’s recipe is for those who want a banging pasta salad in 20 minutes! So it’s for everyone because, who wouldn’t?
The comment section of our other pasta salad TikTok has been quite comical. The caption was “POV you tried to break up with me but then I made you this” because the pasta salad is so good it could literally save a relationship. The question is… do you want it to???
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FOR THE GIRLS
The pasta salad commentary got us thinking about things that are just for the girls. Men, don’t get upset because you get to have an entire patriarchal society designed to perfectly fit your 24-hour hormonal cycle while women have to pop Tylenol and deal with you manspreading on the subway. Let us have this tiny list!!!!
Things that are just for the girls:
Having a sweet tooth
Being cold
Lattes
Stretching (but you still have to be able to touch your toes as a male - there is just no winning for you!)
Location tags on instagram
Being just in your socks
The glute kickback machine at the gym
Espresso martinis
Tearing up (either cry or don’t)
Drinking water
Spring birthdays (our cousin has always said this)
Speaking of spring birthdays, mine was ‘a big one’ as everyone kept saying to me. It was spent both drinking and singing about sauvignon blanc, queue the song below. It is crispy white season and we won’t stop telling you.
I’m Looking For A Man in Finance…6’5…blue eyes?
Actually no, I’m looking for a Trader Joe’s employee because why do they have so much rizz and incredible pesto? Then, I’m looking to use that pesto to make this low lift pasta salad that I will be eating all summer long. The charred lemon one is obviously a stunner but if you want pasta salad and you want it RIGHT NOW then this recipe is for you.
It’s that time of year where I rediscover my love for basil and my obsession with pesto. The Trader Joe’s one is so good and so convenient for my immediate pesto cravings. It just feels right to use it as the base of this pasta salad - call it destiny? The saucy pesto gets caught in the folds of the radiator pasta and makes every bite blissful. Someone said they call the shape '“brain pasta” but maybe I shouldn’t have told you that.
We decided to add broccoli well, because it’s green, and it tastes delicious drenched in pesto. The tomatoes add a fresh burst but you could use sun-dried if you think it’ll make you more interesting because it will.
Anyway this is a lazy, hot girl, summer pasta salad that a boy could probably make too.
Au Revoir
This weekend we will be in Paris for Julie’s birthday because she is an attention whore. Our cousin surprised us with a trip (NBD??) for Julie’s 30th and I happen to not have a life so I’m also free. The beauty of having no friends, commitments, or children! Go condoms!
It’s looking like a bad week to be a croissant so be grateful you aren’t. Hopefully I find that candlestick and he’s emotionally available.
20 Minute Creamy Pesto Pasta Salad
Ingredients:
8 ounces radiatori pasta
2 heaping cups broccoli, chopped
8 ounces vegan pesto (we use Trader Joe’s)
1/2 cup vegan mayo
Squeeze of lemon
1 cup grape tomatoes, sliced
For the crispy shallots:
2 shallots, sliced very thinly
Olive oil
Method:
Cook the pasta and broccoli: Cook the pasta according to the al dente instructions. When there are 2 minutes left in the cook time, add the chopped broccoli. Strain together and rinse in cold water.
Make the sauce: In a mixing bowl, combine vegan pesto, vegan mayo, and a squeeze of lemon. Whisk to combine.
Add everything together: Add the pasta, broccoli, and tomatoes to the dressing. Mix to combine.
For the crispy shallots: Add the shallots to a pan and cover them with olive oil. Turn the heat to medium and cook until they start to brown and crisp. Use tongs or a slotted spoon to remove them from the pan and place on a paper towel-lined plate.
You can eat this immediately if you are impatient like us, or store it in the fridge for a few hours and it will taste even better (if that is possible).
