oops I hopped my pants, copped a prune, and regretted the whole month

plus a Sticky Toffee Date Cake with Coconut Caramel !!!!!!

one bite is all it takes, falling in love with me, possibilities

Wet Feb

I participated in dry January and I have to tell someone or what’s the point? I have now mentioned it to every single person I know, you included! It gives me that quick hit of dopamine I so desperately need. If you thought I was going to say something inspiring or insightful about not drinking for a month, I’m not.

What I’ve come to realize is that there’s nothing to do if you don’t drink. I really should have picked up a hobby during this time but now it’s February and it’s too late! Instead of doing anything remotely productive, I replaced drinking alcohol with eating Carvel and regret the entire month.

If I was held at gunpoint to come up with something positive, I would say that waking up not hungover was nice. However, without a night out to recap there is limited content for coffee walks so naturally I had to invent drama within my relationship to then discuss. Totally joking.

Safe to say I did dry January wrong, but I will not make the same mistake for wet Feb. I’ve already started off strong with my favorite IPA - Oops! I hopped my pants! It’s humiliating to order but soooo worth it.

Living Parallel Lives

Almost every weekend, Julie and I discover that we’re 15 minutes behind each other in our morning activities. It’s Starbucks and the deli or Southdown and the other deli. We’ve passed each other in the car, our boyfriends unknowing, and chuckled about it. The bit has taken a turn…

Raise your hand if you ever spent a full week plotting with your sister to make the exact same meal on the exact same night at your respective boyfriends’ houses without letting your boyfriends in on the secret and then acting sketchy all night while you text comparing notes and think it’s the funniest thing ever but then miss the opportunity to tell your boyfriend about this silly little inside joke and now you’re in too deep in an innocuous withholding of the truth that is snowballing into a big lie because everyone around you knows about it except him and you’re scared that you’re going to get caught but a day has already gone by so you end up (still lying) and telling your boyfriend that your sister copied you and made the same meal and all he says is “cool” and you come to the realization that you are insane and nothing matters but also maybe your boyfriend needs to ask more questions? As I look up, I see my hand.

the pictures we texted to each other in real time

p.s. If you’re wondering - we are still predominately plant based, but as you have probably gathered, not completely. If you initially followed/subscribed (thank you<3) for plant based recipes, amazing because that is still what we do.

Cycle Syncing Guide Update

You know we’re working on our Cycle Syncing Guide and you’ll just have to wait a liiiitle bit longer for it because there is SO much information that we want to include in a fun way and we want it to be perfect and look pretty so just hold your horses a bit longer!! To appease you, we shared that insane anecdote and now offer you a dessert that will change your life.

The One That Got Away

Think about your first GOOD kiss, not that slobbery dead fish one in 8th grade, the one you actually enjoyed. Now FORGET ALL ABOUT IT because it pales in comparison to the ecstasy you will feel when taking the first bite of a date cake.

I felt this way when I went to Soda Club in the East Village. Let’s set the scene: A hot, gay man is sauntering over to my table with a second bottle of chilled Sauvignon Blanc. I have just eaten the best ravioli of my life along with plenty of other pasta dishes that altered my brain chemistry. There is gossip galore at our girls only table. Of course we’re ordering dessert! The date cake is set down on our table and no one can take their eyes off it. One bite and I knew that if i didn’t recreate this cake, it would be the one that got away.

Soda Club’s Date Cake

The date cake was pure magic—moist, rich, and packed with deep, caramelly flavor that lingered with every bite (thank god because the fork was moving fast). The dates melted into the batter, creating a buttery, toffee-like sweetness that was perfectly decadent.

Date Cake, But Make it Yourself

We were so obsessed with that date cake that we had to recreate it—but with a few changes to make it perfect for the menstrual phase of your cycle. We kept all the richness and moisture but added blackstrap molasses and tahini, two ingredients that are great for replenishing iron and healthy fats during this time. The molasses highlights the caramel notes from the dates while giving it depth and richness, and the tahini adds a nutty, creamy component that makes every bite even more luxurious. The 3-ingredient homemade coconut caramel sauce is one of our best sauce creations. Don’t be surprised if you start pouring it on everything.

This date cake is not only insanely delicious but also nourishing and cycle-supportive. You will absolutely love yourself if you make this for the first few days of your period. Curl up with a cup of warm tea and a generous slice of the cake. We added vanilla ice cream because as mentioned, I can’t stop eating Carvel.

the most delicious thing to put in your mouth

Sticky Toffee Date Cake with Coconut Caramel

Ingredients

For the cake:

• 1 cup pitted Medjool dates (about 10-12)

• ¾ cup oat milk (or any plant milk)

• ½ tsp baking soda

• ¼ cup blackstrap molasses

• ⅓ cup coconut sugar (or dark brown sugar)

• ¼ cup melted coconut oil

• 2 tbsp tahini

• 2 eggs (or flax eggs: 2 tbsp flaxseed meal + 6 tbsp water)

• 1 tsp vanilla extract

• 1 3/4 cups oat flour

• 1 tsp baking powder

• ¼ tsp sea salt

• 1 tsp cinnamon

• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg (optional)

For the coconut caramel:

• 1/2 cup coconut sugar

• 1/2 cup oat milk (or any high fat plant based milk, we used Chobani Extra Creamy)

• 2 tablespoons coconut oil

• Sprinkle of sea salt

Method:

1. Preheat the oven: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and line a 8x8 pan with parchment paper.

2. Soften the dates: To a small pot on medium heat, add the dates and oat milk. Gently simmer for 5 minutes or until the dates start to soften. Remove from heat and stir in the baking soda. Cover and let it sit for another 5 minutes.

3. Blend the wet ingredients: Allow the date mixture to cool for a moment before adding them to a high speed blender add the rest of the wet ingredients - blackstrap molasses, coconut sugar, tahini, melted coconut oil, eggs or flax eggs, and vanilla extract.

4. Add the wet to the dry: In a medium bowl, add oat flour, baking powder, sea salt, cinnamon, and optional nutmeg. Whisk to combine. Add the wet ingredients to the dry and gently fold to incorporate, careful not to overmix.

5. Bake: Pour into the prepared pan and bake for 25-28 minutes or until a toothpick comes out mostly clean (due to the sticky nature of the cake, it will not be totally clean).

6. Make the coconut caramel: Make the coconut caramel by adding the coconut sugar, oat milk, coconut oil, and sea salt to a small pot. On medium high heat, bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 10 minutes, or until the sauce starts to thicken and gets a deeper caramel flavor (it will continue to thicken as it cools, but you still want it to be pourable).

7. Pour the caramel: After letting the cake cool for 10-15 minutes (to prevent crumbling) use a straw to poke holes throughout (you could also use a fork). Pour the caramel sauce over the cake, using a spatula to distribute it evenly and into the poked holes. Serve with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, or extra caramel.

Stardust Sabotage

If you got this far, you’re a real one, so you get access to this embarrassing piece of content. I’ve been using the stardust app to track my period/cycle for a while now. They have a new feature where your partner can get an update each day so they know the vibes. Most of the time, the app is great and will suggest things like getting me snacks and a hot pack. Things were going well until it sent a sicko message with the sole purpose of humiliating me. It read…

i had to block out my name even though I’m sure you know, but it’s too intimate!!!

We have a solution for you to save you from this mortifying message - you’ll be able to download our Cycle Syncing Guide very soon! Show it to your partner and you’ll never have to go through the humiliation of them telling you to COP A PRUNE.

On that note - happy WET FEB to all who celebrate! THIS IS OUR MONTH, BITCHES.