Running over a curb while eating a Buffalo Chick'n Wrap
things that don't count and buffalo chick'n wraps that do
Good day sir. If you don’t feel like reading today, boy you’re in luck because we have an audio version (up top) for your convenience. There’s a new moon in Gemini today. This means it’s a good time to hit the reset button and sit with your silly little ideas for a bit. Speaking of silly little ideas…
Today we present:
a list of things that simply don’t count
(affordable) stuff we’ve been loving
a life changing buffalo chick’n wrap
Today is the perfect day to set your intentions, follow your whims, and make yourself a buffalo chick’n wrap.
Every time I make a buffalo chick’n wrap, I shock myself with how good it is. Then I yell at Julie for us not having it at least once a week. Why would I deprive myself of it???? WHY??!
Other things that I yell at Julie about…the concept that whatever you think is true becomes your reality. If you believe everyone is out to get you, they will be. If you believe that everything always works out for you, it will. But you have to actually believe it - deep in your subconscious. A lot of times the problem comes when the collective consciousness is so strong that it’s difficult to change your own core belief. Girl math has helped with this because now the collective consciousness is all on the same page that returning things equals money made.
The bottom line is that your beliefs shape your reality. This list encompasses things that I’ve chosen to believe don’t count. In turn, it makes my life more fun which is one of 3 goals that I have: be hot, be rich, have fun.
Things That Don’t Count
If you get it, you get it. If you don't, well I don’t know what to tell you but I did my best to explain them.
Anything less than $20 on Amazon (it doesn’t even register)
Yellow lights (looks green to me)
Paying in cash (that’s free)
Dipping sauces (the limit does not exist)
Conversations after 2am (I’m not responsible for what I say)
My first cup of coffee (simply doesn’t count towards my daily caffeine intake)
Anything I eat before 9 am (it’s too early to be part of the real day)
Running over a curb (did anyone else even see? doesn’t matter - this is specific to Julie since it happens often)
Eating dessert while standing up (duh I’m standing)
Hard seltzers (after 2 it’s like drinking water)
Grapes (can’t fully explain this but they just don’t count in my book)
Commenting on our business instagram from my personal instagram (anything goes and I’m insane)
People seeing me through my window (that’s on you)
A hit of someone else’s vape (I am absolved of any sin)
Stealing from the olive bar at Whole Foods (it’s too easy to be a crime)
Calories from “a direct” (a direct is when you eat directly from the pot or pan or serving bowl. Don’t do it when your sister Melissa is around because she will yell at you and say that it’s gross. It somehow tastes better and was never in my personal bowl aka doesn’t count.)
Things We’ve Been Loving:
These are all Amazon items under $20, so they don’t count as purchases. They are fully vetted by yours truly and we would never steer you wrong.
Nexxus Ultra Lightweight Hair Oil: There aren’t many hair products we would recommend because they’re always expensive and then still suck but THIS has been the exception. It’s so lightweight that it almost evaporates in your hand (is that good or bad idk), it smells amazing, and it makes your hair really soft without weighing it down.
V-Neck Black Top: I think this is a Free People dupe but regardless I love it. It’s super flattering, fits well, and I don’t need to wear a bra with it which is a requirement for most of my clothing now.
Kopari Coconut Lip Gloss: We have been purchasing this gloss for YEARS. Even when we have other glosses in rotation, we still always have Kopari in our bag. It’s the perfect clear, glossy layer and it tastes good when you inevitably eat some.
Nectar Hydration Packets: Hands down best electrolyte powders. These have zero sugar (sweetened with stevia) and zero calories and the lemon flavor is delightful. We take them with us when we travel, drink them pre/post workout, and chug them if we’ve had one too many espresso martinis in an evening.
Freckle Pen: I don’t know if anyone likes or notices when I apply my little freckles but I don’t care because I love it. They’re fun, feminine, and summery. Hot girls have freckles, probably.
If you use any of these links, we may get a small commission but probably not because I don’t think we have it set up right. Jokes on us!
Craving Buffalo Chick’n
If you are anything like me, then at least 3x a week you think to yourself, I would die for a buffalo chick’n wrap now. Then you go and lay in the street. But there’s no need to be dramatic - just make this wrap and thank me later for literally saving your life.
Our absolute favorite vegan chicken product is the Gardein Ultimate line. It is perfection in this wrap, but if you want to be imperfect then use any protein you like. Just be sure to douse it in hot sauce.
The key to this wrap is arguably the COLESLAW because as you know, we are sl*ts for cabbage. Yes, the cheese crust is hot and so is Yano but the coleslaw is where the money is. It’s creamy, crunchy, vinegary and I absolutely added a pile to each bite when I was eating it off camera because I couldn’t physically stuff enough in the wrap.
I hope you’re into mukbangs because I am into eating, a lot. Strong statement to end on. You’ll be hearing from us next week (you hit subscribe, not me!) Until then, WATCH THAT CURB, or don’t. Nothing matters.
Cheese-Crusted Buffalo Chick’n Wrap Recipe
(makes 2 wraps)
Ingredients for the coleslaw:
1/2 small head green cabbage, sliced thinly
1/4 small red onion, sliced thinly
1/4 cup mayo (vegenaise)
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon dijon mustard
Salt & pepper
Optional: 1/4 teaspoon celery seed
Method: Slice the cabbage and red onion (we used a mandolin). Combine everything in a bowl and mix. Keep in the fridge until ready to use.
Ingredients for the wrap:
1/4 cup Franks Red Hot Sauce (or buffalo-style)
2 flour tortillas (burrito-size)
Cheddar cheese shreds (we use Daiya)
Coleslaw
Pickle chips
Easy Vegan Ranch (or your fav store bought)
Method:
Prep the chick’n: Cook the chick’n patties according to the package instructions. Cut them into bite-sized pieces and then toss in hot sauce/buffalo sauce.
Assemble the wraps: To a tortilla, layer on 1/2 of the buffalo chick’n pieces, cheddar cheese shreds, coleslaw, pickle chips, ranch dressing, and extra hot sauce. Repeat for the other tortilla. Carefully fold the wraps but tucking in the corners first.
Option to press: In a pan on medium high heat, add a spritz of olive oil. Sprinkle shredded cheddar cheese directly on the pan. When it starts to melt, place your wrap on top of it, fold side down. Use a spatula to loosen the cheese and push it onto the edges of the wrap. Once it’s browned and the cheese can lift off the pan, flip the wrap. Cook for a few minutes on the other side.
Cut and serve with extra ranch: That’s all she wrote.
